Morning After
by sweeet-as-honey
Summary: Ethan arrives at work with a hangover and without any memory of what happened the night before. Based on Survivors (16.04.16).
1. Chapter 1

_I'm not really that keen on Ethan's recent personality transplant, but it did give me the idea for this story. It's slightly based on the beginning of the last episode, Survivors (16.04.16)._

* * *

Cal stopped the car. "Okay? Can you walk from here or should I take you right up to the entrance?"

Ethan adjusted his sunglasses and tried to convince himself that they were perfectly acceptable attire for an ED registrar. "I'm a doctor, Cal. Not a patient."

"I bet half the patients in the waiting room don't feel as bad as you." Cal's voice contained both sympathy and amusement. He knew how bad a hangover could be (and he'd kindly provided Ethan with a bucket, paracetamol and a glass of water, all of which Ethan had appreciated), but he seemed to think there was something very funny about Ethan getting drunk and coming home without his glasses.

"I'll manage," said Ethan. He rubbed a hand over his aching forehead and tried to convince himself that standing up wasn't a bad idea. "Thanks for the lift." He looked through the windscreen and cringed as he remembered the conversation they'd had as they'd left the flat.

 _"Why is it so dark, Cal? It's not that early, is it?"_

 _"You're wearing sunglasses," said Cal. "That does make things look darker."_

 _"Oh, right," said Ethan. "Of course."_

Cal was making that strange expression somewhere between amused and worried. "Ethan, are you sure you want to work today? It's not easy, working with a hangover. I usually only get away with it because I've got you to cover for me and you can't cover for yourself."

"I'll be all right," said Ethan, with a confidence he didn't feel. "I just need to wake up a little bit. I'm sure I'll be fine."

"Good luck," said Cal, and patted Ethan's arm. "I'll keep looking for your spare glasses – and you give me a call if you need to come home."

"Thank you, Cal," said Ethan, with genuine gratitude. "For everything you've done for me this morning."

Cal smiled. "It's not like you've never done it for me. Now, take things as easy as you can; keep drinking lots of water and remember: you can have more painkillers at 11.30. I'll see you later."

Ethan got out of the car and carefully picked his way across the car park, trying to jar his head as little as possible. The paracetamol had taken the edge off the pain, but he was still pretty high on the scale of one to ten.

"Ethan!" came a much-too-loud shout from across the car park, and Jez came running towards him.

Ethan looked at him in slight annoyance. He was sure Jez had drunk more than he had last night and it was positively indecent that Jez was able to run and shout while Ethan could hardly walk.

"Hey, Ethan Hardman!" Jez was standing right in front of Ethan now, but he didn't bother to lower the volume. He looked Ethan up and down, an amused look on his face. "I like the shades."

"I lost my glasses last night," explained Ethan. "These were the only prescription pair I could find." Actually, it had been Cal who'd found them while Ethan was lying moaning on the sofa, but that was a mere detail.

"Yeah, I think I remember you running round without your glasses on!" said Jez. He sniggered. "Among other things."

Ethan frowned. "Amongst other what things?" _Oh great: now I can barely even string a sentence together._

"It wasn't just your glasses you took off," said Jez, with a wink that filled Ethan with terror.

"Ethan!" said another voice, and Iain joined them. He was looking concerned. "Ethan, are you okay?" He patted Ethan's arm. "Look, try not to worry. It happens to the best of us."

Ethan tried to smile. It might have been a bit easier if he'd known what Iain was talking about. "Thanks."

"I mean, sure it will be a bit embarrassing when you see her again," said Iain. "But you're both mature adults. You can get past this."

"Oh… um… I'm sure you're right," said Ethan. "Thank you, Iain."

Jez patted Ethan on the back. "I always thought Cal was the fun one out of you two. I've been forced to revise my opinion." He burst out laughing. "Seriously, Dylan's _face_! I don't know where you found the nerve, mate."

"I… I like to surprise people occasionally," said Ethan nervously.

"And you succeeded, mate," said Iain. "I'm sure Mrs Beauchamp was _very_ surprised too!"

"Mrs Beauchamp?" quavered Ethan. "I don't remember seeing her at the pub."

"We didn't see her," said Iain. "It was just a little prank phone call. Don't you remember?"

"Yes, I-I think I vaguely remember," said Ethan, not entirely truthfully. "I'd better go. My shift's starting soon. Um… great night last night. Let's do it again tonight."

Ethan walked into the ED as quickly as his headache allowed and made his way towards the reception desk.

Jack shouted to him. "Kiss me, Foolhardy! I'm feeling very hurt and left out, you know."

Ethan approached warily. "Hey, Jack. I'm sorry if I've done something to upset you."

"You can make it up to me now," said Jack. He reached over the desk and grabbed Ethan's hand. "Do you have any idea how hot you looked last night? Seriously, when you got up on that table, I nearly died. I almost wish I had so you could have resuscitated me. And how come you never told me you were such a good singer? I was trying to get Lofty to do _X Factor_ with me, but now he's gone, maybe you could take his place?"

"I… um… I'll think about it," said Ethan.

He tried to extract his hand gently from Jack's, but Jack held it more tightly and turned it over so he could kiss Ethan's palm.

"Um… Jack…" said Ethan, going red. "I'm very sorry, but I'm actually straight."

Jack pouted and looked fed up. "Well, that's not how it looked last night!" He let go of Ethan's hand and folded his arms. "You might want to go and explain that to Jez. Now, if you don't mind, I have patients to assist."

Ethan took the opportunity to escape. He walked towards the staff room as quickly as he felt able, his head beginning to throb again, and saw Max sweeping the floor. "Hey, Max."

Max held up a hand so Ethan could high-five him. "If it isn't Ethan Hard-On!"

Ethan gasped. _Tell me I misheard that. Please tell me I misheard._

"So, I don't need to ask if _you_ had a good time last night," said Max, grinning as he leaned on his broom. "Seriously, that girl. What was her name?"

Ethan looked at him helplessly. "I don't know."

Max looked sympathetic. "Don't you just hate it when that happens? You wake up with a girl and you can't remember her name."

Ethan began to feel panicky. He definitely hadn't woken up with a girl, but he didn't remember getting home.

Though wouldn't Cal have mentioned it if Ethan had brought a girl home?

"And that other girl," said Max. "I seriously thought her husband was going to punch you. Especially when you…" Max started laughing. "When I woke up and remembered that, I thought I'd dreamed it. But then I got my phone out and there were all these pictures and videos…" He spoke between bursts of laughter. "The way you just whipped it out and waved it around!"

Ethan had to hold on to the wall for support. Why hadn't Cal told him about all this? Why had he let him go to work?

Robyn came up to them and touched Ethan's arm. "Ethan, have you apologised?" she asked in a low voice.

"I… um…"

"Because I really think you should," said Robyn.

Ethan swallowed. "Um, who in particular were you thinking I should apologise to?"

"Good question!" said Max. "Which one did you mean, Robyn? I mean, Lily did look like she was actually crying. And Louise looked seriously ticked off. And I don't think Dylan will ever come near the pub again… though that's no bad thing. That guy doesn't know the meaning of the word fun."

Ethan looked at him in horror. "Lily was crying?"

Robyn stroked his arm. "Don't worry. I'm sure she's okay now."

"I don't imagine Mrs Beauchamp's too pleased with me either," said Ethan sadly.

Robyn's eyes were as wide than they'd been the first time she'd seen Zoe and Max kissing. "Do you mean she found out about… Oh my God." Robyn looked seriously worried.

"Can't they sack you for things like that?" said Max.

"I… I don't know," said Ethan honestly.

Rita interrupted them. "Robyn. Max. Haven't you lot got some work to do? Oh… Ethan." Rita put her hands on his shoulders and looked deep into his sunglasses. "Are you okay?" she asked in her caring voice.

"I don't know," said Ethan again.

"Oh, sweetheart," said Rita. She rubbed his shoulders, which for some reason made his head vibrate. "Everything's going to be okay. Just give it a bit of time and I'm sure everyone will have forgotten about it. Don't worry. And if you ever need a chat, I'm always here."

"Oh.. um… thank you, Rita," said Ethan.

When he finally made it into the staff room he found Zoe.

As soon as she saw him, she turned away. "Ethan. I don't know what to say to you. I literally don't know what to say."

"I… I'm sorry," said Ethan. "I'm really sorry for… um… I'm sorry."

Zoe turned to face him. "That doesn't change what happened, though, Ethan, does it?" she said sadly.

"Um… no," said Ethan. He could be reasonably sure about that from the look on Zoe's face. "No, it doesn't."

"I mean…" Zoe shrugged helplessly. "We've got to work together, Ethan."

"I know," said Ethan in a small voice, just as Connie burst into the staff room.

Her eyes were narrowed to slits as she looked at Zoe. "I don't know who is responsible for that little charade last night, but I warn you. When I find out…"

"It was me!" burst out Ethan, quite unable to watch Zoe suffer for his crimes. Especially not when he'd clearly made her suffer already.

Connie looked startled. " _You_ , Dr Hardy?"

"Apparently so," said Ethan.

"Ethan, you don't have to do this," said Zoe.

"Of course I do," said Ethan. "It was me, Mrs Beauchamp. I'm very sorry and I fully understand if you decide to dismiss me. I actually think it might be something of a relief after last night."

Zoe glared at him. "Fine! Sack him. See if I care." She stalked out.

Ethan watched her go, then he turned back to Connie and hoped she'd put him out of his misery soon.

"Dr Hardy," said Connie.

Ethan swallowed. "Yes, Mrs Beauchamp?"

"Don't you think that, when someone errs, it's only right that they should pay for their crimes?"

Ethan was finding it difficult to breathe. "Yes, Mrs Beauchamp. I do. I am so sorry. I know it's a bit of a cliché to say I don't know what I was thinking, but I really don't."

"That will be £100, please," said Connie. "I want it on my desk by the end of the day."


	2. Chapter 2

_This is the final chapter. Thank you for reading and enjoying this story. I really hope this isn't anti-climactic._

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. I'm relieved it's not just me who's disappointed with Ethan's current storyline and I really do hope it's not a permanent change as he's so lovely and such a great character. I'm really glad you enjoyed the first chapter. I'm glad it's not completely obvious what Ethan did!

 **X-Sammii-X** , I'm afraid Cal has the day off today (as in the episode), so he doesn't appear, though he is mentioned. I'm really happy you're enjoying this so far. It's a horrible experience for Ethan! Thank you for your review.

 **westlifeforever80** , unless his drink was spiked, which I doubt, Ethan does only have himself to blame! Poor Ethan. But I think he would suffer more than most because he'd feel so guilty for everything. Thank you for your review.

 **CBloom2** , thank you for your review. You'll soon find out if your guess is right! I think you're right about why Ethan's stopped being himself and it's actually really sad. I think the worst thing is that his friends seem to like him better like this. I just want him to 'be more Ethan'!

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I'm so glad you think it's funny. I hoped it would be, even though it's not funny at all for poor Ethan. Yes, they definitely should help him out with paying Connie the £100!

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I'm sure Ethan will always honour his debts, though he might have to go to the bank as his wallet is probably lighter after last night! I'm glad you're enjoying this so far. Thank you for your review.

 **xXxAnInspiredWriterxXx** , I hope you're not disappointed with what Ethan has done! Lily is in this chapter a lot so I hope you'll enjoy it. Thank you for your review.

 **Becs2202** , he is definitely doing the right thing by having a bit of fun, but I'd rather see him doing what he considers fun. I doubt last night will leave him with good memories - or any memories at all! Thank you for your review.

 **Guest** , I think I would be blushing too if someone else had written this! I hope it didn't embarrass you too much. Thank you for your review and I'm glad you found it funny, despite the embarrassing bits!

 **20BlueRoses** , I hope you're right about the emotional reaction in the pipeline! I really hope Ethan seems more like himself in this story, though the Huntington's isn't directly mentioned as Ethan has more immediate problems! Thank you for your review - I'm so glad you're enjoying this.

 _Thank you to **ETWentHome** and **Future light** for favourites, and **Gingersnaps2507** , **xXxAnInspiredWriterxXx** and **Lcasualty95** for the follows._

* * *

Ethan had just finished getting changed when Lily entered the staff room.

"Lily, are you all right?" said Ethan. "I'm so sorry about… last night."

"I'm surprised you can remember last night," said Lily.

"Well… I can't," admitted Ethan. "Lily, I'm so sorry I made you cry."

Lily raised her eyebrows. "You did not make me cry."

"Max said you were crying," said Ethan.

"I saw Alicia," said Lily. "She was very friendly and pleasant. I felt guilty."

Ethan looked at her sympathetically. "I'm sorry if I contributed to your feeling of guilt in any way."

Lily shook her head. "Not in the least."

"How was Alicia?" said Ethan. "If you're okay to talk about it. I really don't remember seeing her at all."

"She is very well and she has a new job in another hospital," said Lily. "I apologised for my behaviour and Alicia accepted my apology. We parted on reasonable terms."

Ethan smiled. "I'm really pleased, Lily. And I'm glad I didn't upset you, but it sounds like you're the only person I didn't upset! Everyone's been telling me what I did last night and I feel awful."

"Do you know what you did?" said Lily.

Ethan cast his mind back, trying to piece it all together. "I don't remember any of it, but I made a prank phone call to Mrs Beauchamp and later performed a charade at her house, causing £100 of damage. I propositioned Zoe and now she doesn't want to work with me anymore. I think something also happened between me and Jez, which made Jack jealous. I also annoyed Louise and frightened Dylan. Robyn thinks I need to apologise to someone, but she didn't say who. I spent time with two girls, one of whom has a husband who wanted to punch me. I got up on the table and sang and gave Jack reason to believe I'm not straight. And It wasn't just my glasses I took off. I whipped something out and waved it around. In public! I've already been called Ethan Hardman, Ethan Foolhardy and Ethan Hard-On today." He looked sadly at Lily. "And I feel so ill."

"Go and sit down," said Lily. "I will tell you everything that happened last night. I think it is better to know the truth, no matter how embarrassing it might be."

Ethan nodded and sat on the sofa.

Lily sat next to him. "I will try to explain everything chronologically. You arrived at the pub and you drank various alcoholic beverages. This made you feel rather happy so you climbed onto the table and sang a song called YMCA. It appeared to have a lot of actions. Jack seemed to find this particularly enjoyable."

Ethan moaned and put his head in his hands. "Why that song? I don't think I even know the words."

"You stayed quiet for the verses and belted out the chorus," said Lily. "Cal, Max, Jack, Iain and Jez sang the verses."

"So, it wasn't just me?" said Ethan.

"It wasn't just you," confirmed Lily. "You did draw attention to yourself by being too scared to climb down from the table. Cal was going to help you, but Jez said it was a paramedic's job. So he lifted you down and carried you around the pub, calling you his 'doctor in distress'. He seemed rather pleased with himself and you were smiling."

Ethan groaned. "I suppose that's why Jack thought I was gay and felt I need to tell Jez I'm not."

Lily continued. "Max decided to order some pizza and send it to someone else's house so they are forced to pay for it. You discussed who to send it to and you shouted out Mrs Beauchamp's name. I don't really think you were following the conversation, but the others thought this was a good idea. So Jez phoned up, pretending to be Mrs Beauchamp. I believe the bill came to less than £100, but perhaps she is charging for the petrol costs and loss of sleep she suffered when taking the pizza to the homeless shelter."

"Oh gosh. That would seem to be my fault," said Ethan.

Lily shook her head dismissively. "Of course it wasn't. I'm sure someone else would have thought of Mrs Beauchamp if you hadn't. After that, Max became rather friendly with a girl. Dr Hanna was not entirely happy and started drinking heavily. I think she was desperate for some male attention and you were the object of her affections."

Ethan was deeply shocked. "And I took advantage of her drunken state and… oh my goodness. When Max said a girl's husband nearly punched me, did he mean him?"

"Almost certainly, but you did not take advantage of Dr Hanna," said Lily. "You rejected her, which I imagine saved you from the punch."

Ethan put his hands over his face. "Oh my goodness." For some reason, this seemed worse than propositioning her. "Poor Zoe. She must be so embarrassed."

"I rather think she must be," said Lily.

"I said just now that it would be quite a relief if Mrs Beauchamp dismissed me after last night," groaned Ethan. "Zoe probably thought I meant it would be a relief to get away from her."

Lily gave a reassuring smile. "Ethan, misunderstandings occur often in the workplace. Especially when alcohol has been consumed. But they can be overcome."

"Iain said something about a woman I'd be embarrassed to see again," said Ethan thoughtfully. "Presumably, that was Zoe. But Max said I was talking to two women."

"It is possible Max meant Alicia, who was there with Louise," said Lily. "You asked how she was and where she was working now. She told you. But that happened a little later. Before you spoke to them, Dr Keogh entered the pub. I think he believed that if he spent time with Max and Robyn, he might hear news of Lofty. But he did not stay long. I think you unnerved him. You offered to buy him a drink. Or rather, you asked if he fancied a 'quick one'. I think he misread your intentions. He left the pub without drinking anything."

"Oh my goodness!" said Ethan, horrified. "Do you think it was Dylan Robyn wanted me to apologise to?"

Lily considered. "I think perhaps Robyn meant you should apologise to Louise. After Dylan left, you noticed Alicia and Louise and went to speak to them. You knocked Louise's drink over when you said goodbye to them, but you didn't notice."

"Oh gosh," said Ethan. "I will certainly apologise to Louise. And to Dylan."

"Now, to continue-"

"Lily," said Ethan nervously, "why did Max call me Ethan Hard-On?"

"I have absolutely no idea, but I would guess it is due to Max's general immaturity," said Lily. "I don't actually know what a 'hard on' is. I am not very knowledgeable about colloquial phrasing."

"Oh, neither am I," said Ethan.

"So, you don't know the phrase either?" said Lily. "Then I will ask Max. I'm sure he will know."

Ethan gasped. "No! Don't ask Max!"

"Why not?" said Lily.

"Well, um, I, you see, I actually do kind of know what it means," said Ethan, blushing. "It's… rude."

"Don't be ridiculous, Ethan," said Lily. "I am a doctor. I discuss 'rude' subjects all the time." She thought for a moment. "Does the term perhaps refer to an erect penis?"

Ethan couldn't look at her. "Um… well… yes."

"There: that wasn't so hard, was it?" said Lily. "And no. That was not a pun."

"What was it that I whipped out and waved around?" said Ethan fearfully.

"Your money," said Lily. "You wanted to buy a round for the whole pub so you got some notes out of your wallet and started waving them in the air. Max and Robyn convinced you to buy a round for your table instead."

Ethan almost collapsed with relief. "There is one more thing that really worries me."

"What's that?"

"Jez says that when I removed my glasses, I also removed a few items of clothing," said Ethan.

"Jez is absolutely correct," said Lily.

Ethan closed his eyes. "I suppose I had better ask which items of clothing?"

"it was your coat, your scarf and your hat," said Lily. "That was all."

Ethan felt slightly relieved, but he had a feeling Lily's recital of events wasn't over yet. "I suppose you'd better tell me what happened after that."

"I didn't see everything," said Lily. "You all left the pub before I did. Cal was in the loo and Iain made the suggestion that you pretend you'd left without him. So you all went outside. Cal came out of the loo and I told him where you were. When we went outside, you were lying out cold on the pavement without your glasses, coat and scarf. Max was talking about drawing a certain body part on your forehead. Jack suggested taking your clothes off. Jez wanted to steal some toilet paper, wrap you up like a mummy and leave you on one of the hospital benches. Iain asked if he could borrow my bra and put it into your hand. Naturally, I said no."

"And Cal?" said Ethan wearily. "What did Cal suggest?"

"Cal said he was going to take you home in a taxi and put you to bed," said Lily. "Cal was fairly sober. I think he had the same idea as me: to make sure you were okay."

Ethan sighed. "Why does everyone always want to protect me?"

"Because you're not as used to alcohol as the others," said Lily. "We knew that you would wake up remembering nothing. We knew this would lead to the others' dropping worrying hints about what you'd done and cause you to feel anxious and guilty. And that is exactly what happened."

"Why?" said Ethan. "Didn't they think I was already suffering enough?"

Lily's voice was gentle. "They think only of their own amusement and would have done the same to anyone. But Ethan, please listen to me. Do you really think you belong with them? Do you belong in a pub, drinking heavily until you pass out?"

"I want to have new experiences, Lily," said Ethan. "I want to try the things I was too afraid to try before. I don't know when it will all be taken away from me."

"Exactly," said Lily gently. "You don't know. So you shouldn't use the time to do things you think you ought to have experienced. It's what you _want_ to do that matters. Those are the things you will regret not doing. Those are the things you will look back on with enjoyment."

Ethan looked at her for a moment, then he released his breath in a slow sigh. "You're right. I certainly don't look back on last night with enjoyment. But what should I do instead?"

"The things you enjoy," said Lily gently. "Become a consultant. That has always been your ambition and I see no reason for that to change. Once you have achieved that, you should use all your annual leave. Visit all the places you've dreamed of visiting – and if you prefer a walking holiday in Switzerland to gambling in Las Vegas, then you should go to Switzerland. Go on more cookery courses." Lily paused for a moment. "I would like to go on a cookery course too. I am a competent cook, but I do not wish to be merely competent at anything and I know I would enjoy it more in your company."

Ethan looked at her in surprise. "I would like that very much, Lily. _Very_ much."

Lily nodded. "I believe you will have much more fun doing what you like than what Cal would like. You are a different person from Cal."

"I don't want people to say I'm wasting my life," sighed Ethan.

"Then don't spend time doing things you don't really enjoy," said Lily. "That is a waste. You should not care about what other people think of you, Ethan. It is your life. Your life to enjoy or to waste. And if you are enjoying yourself and hurting no-one, including yourself, I don't see how anything you do could be a waste. Think about it, Ethan. Please."


	3. Chapter 3

_I was going to finish this story with the last chapter, but then I realised quite a lot was unresolved so I decided to write a chapter where Ethan sorts things out with a few of the people he's upset. But it didn't turn out quite like that. Nothing really gets sorted out at all. But I hope you enjoy the chapter anyway and that the scenes aren't too similar._

 **xXxAnInspiredWriterxXx** , thank you for your review - I'm so pleased you enjoyed it. I'm afraid Lily isn't in this chapter, but I think she probably will feature in this story again as I think Ethan might need her help again!

 **X-Sammii-X** , I would love to see the boys singing YMCA on the show! It would be so much fun. I love Ethan and Lily's friendship too. Lily doesn't like to leave tasks undone so I can imagine her wanting to sort things out with Alicia if she got the chance. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I want the new Ethan to disappear or calm down too. There are worse things to be than 'more Cal' as I do really love Cal, but I do miss lovely, sweet, shy, innocent, adorable Ethan. And no, it looks like that wasn't the last chapter! Thank you for your review.

 **CBloom2** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you think Lily's advice is good. I really hope there's a moment like this in the show. I am a little bit sad that everyone seems to like Ethan so much more now he's being 'more Cal' and has lost so much of his adorable Ethanness. But I've said that before so I'll shut up now!

 **ETWentHome** , if it had been as bad as you thought, Ethan wouldn't have been able to show his face in the ED again! Thank you for your review - I'm really glad you enjoyed the story and I'm glad you liked Lily's advice.

 _Thank you to **xMissWhitneyBexx** for the follow._

* * *

Ethan fully intended to follow Lily's advice about doing what he wanted rather than what he thought he ought to want, but he had a few things to put right first.

Jez and Dylan had a couple of misconceptions about him; Zoe's feelings had been hurt; and Louise probably wanted to kill him. Connie, meanwhile, was after his money - and fully entitled to it.

As Ethan believed was often the case after a night of drinking, there were a few apologies to make.

Ethan thought about the five people he needed to speak to and tried to decide who was the least terrifying. It definitely wasn't Louise or Connie. It probably wasn't Dylan. Under the circumstances, it probably wasn't Zoe or Jez either.

 _Oh dear_ , thought Ethan. _Why couldn't I have offended Robyn or Rita instead? Not that I ever want to offend Robyn or Rita. But at least I would feel there was a small chance they might actually forgive me, if they were in the right mood._

He looked through the doors of Resus. Connie looked busy; it would definitely be a very bad idea to interrupt her and in any case, Ethan didn't have the money yet. He usually made a point of carrying a lot of cash with him, but he seemed to have spent most of it.

Ethan saw Dylan with a patient and went over to him. "Dylan, could I borrow you for a minute?"

Dylan put a bit more distance between them. "Whatever you want to say to me, Ethan, you can say it in front of my patient."

 _Oh dear_ , thought Ethan. _I really did terrify him._ "It's about last night."

"On second thoughts," said Dylan, "I really must be going."

"When I asked you if you wanted a 'quick one', I wasn't suggesting anything inappropriate," said Ethan, blushing red as he said the words. "I just wanted to buy you a drink."

Dylan's patient looked delighted. "How sweet! You should say yes, Dr Keogh. Look at him. He's adorable. Don't you just want to pinch his cheeks?"

"No," said Dylan.

"Go on. Say you'll let him buy you a drink tonight."

"I really don't think-"

"I'm not going near that cubicle until you say yes. And you needn't look at me like that. I do mean it, you know. Say you'll go out with this lovely young man or I'm leaving the hospital."

Dylan's hands were on his hips. "There is a very high probability that your wound is infected. If you don't receive treatment-"

"-I could die. Or at least become very ill," said the patient. "As my doctor, you should be doing everything possible to stop that from happening – and all you have to do is have a drink with this lovely young doctor."

Dylan looked suspiciously at Ethan. "Why do you want to have a drink anyway?"

"I thought I might introduce you to my PIMP," said Ethan. "I thought it might help with… the problems you faced when you were seeing Ben Harding."

The patient stopped smiling. She was actually looking severely disgusted.

Ethan wondered if someone behind him had just vomited (the way he was feeling right now, he really hoped they hadn't), but the patient actually seemed to be looking at him.

She turned back to Dylan. "You were right the first time, Dr Keogh. Steer well clear of this one. I should have guessed when I saw how pretty he was. You really should report him, you know."

Ethan stared after them, his hands to his throbbing head as he tried to work out what had just happened.

* * *

Ethan found Jez playing basketball with Iain. Ethan hesitated for a moment, wondering if he wanted to join in or not. Cal would definitely have joined in, but his head already felt like someone was playing basketball in there and that was quite enough for Ethan.

"Hey, Hardman!" Iain threw the ball to him.

Ethan fumbled it and sent another jolt of pain through his head. He bent down very slowly and carefully and picked it up.

Jez held out his arms. "Over here, Ethan."

Ethan hesitated, wondering if Jez wanted the ball or Ethan himself. It took him only a moment to decide the latter idea was completely ridiculous. He threw the ball into the air.

It fell short of Jez by a good three feet, but he picked the ball up from the floor and bounced it towards Ethan. "Iain, how would you feel about giving Ethan and me a bit of privacy?"

Iain grinned. "Depends if it's going to be hilarious or pornographic really."

"Um…" Ethan was rather hoping it would be neither.

"Oh, come on, Iain," said Jez. "You're more than old enough to watch a porn show. You were probably watching them when I was in nappies."

"If you were still wearing nappies in your teens, I probably was," said Iain.

Jez walked over to Ethan and smiled at him. "Miss me already, did you, Ethan?"

That was another question Ethan didn't really want to answer. "Lily has acquainted me with some of our… escapades last night."

"I don't think Lily was there for all the escapades," said Jez. "Not unless she has a secret in her panties and she uses the gent's."

"I'm sure Cal would have mentioned it if she had," said Iain.

Jez looked startled. "Lily and Cal? No way. We should go on a double date sometime. Lily and Cal; Jez and Ethan."

"Jez, I was drunk last night," said Ethan.

Iain laughed. "And then some!"

"I didn't know what I was doing," said Ethan.

Jez stepped closer. "What are you trying to tell me, Ethan? That you're not that kind of boy?"

"No… well, yes… but no. I mean yes. What I mean is, my reactions were impaired."

"I never would have guessed," said Iain.

Ethan tried to work out if he wished Cal was there or not. "I really hope I didn't lead you on. If I'd been thinking clearly, I wouldn't have let you pick me up."

"Ethan, picking someone up in a pub isn't exactly a crime," said Jez.

"From what Lily told me," said Ethan, "I thought the table was a lot higher than it actually was so I needed your help to get off."

"And I was happy to help you get off," said Jez.

"But I didn't actually mean for you to take me all over the pub," said Ethan.

Jez reached up and stroked Ethan's face. "Don't worry, Ethan. It will be different next time. I promise."

Ethan was frozen in horror. This was a nightmare. Ridiculous as it seemed, it sounded like Jez really liked him. "I'm sorry, Jez. I really think we went too far last night."

"It's okay, Ethan," said Jez. He slipped his arm around Ethan's shoulders. "Tonight, I'll take you to a nice restaurant and we won't do more than hold hands. I can do romantic."

"Um, I wasn't actually going to come out tonight," said Ethan. "I'd rather just go to bed."

Jez laughed. "Whatever turns you on, Ethan. What would you say to a little ride in the ambulance?"

Ethan felt a moment's panic, but then he thought of a way out. "Mrs Beauchamp would have me in her office if I even thought about it. It was bad enough when me and Cal did it."

"Then you'll need protection," said Jez.

"I'll be okay," said Ethan. Not entirely truthfully, he added: "I can handle Mrs Beauchamp."

"If you're sure," said Jez. "So, you want to play with my ball till your shift starts?"

Ethan gasped. Under the circumstances, perhaps Jez should be careful about saying ambiguous things like that. "Sorry, Jez. I need to get back in there and get busy. But maybe we could, um…" He searched for the kind of word Cal might use. "Maybe we could hook up later?"

Jez smiled and gave him a quick hug. "Whatever you say, Ethan. I'll be right behind you."

* * *

Ethan was so busy worrying about seeing Zoe, he didn't notice her until she was almost on top of him. Possibly not quite as close to being on top of him as she'd been last night, but it was enough for her to try to run away.

Unfortunately, she tried to dodge around Ethan at the exact same time as he tried to step aside to let her pass. They moved in the same direction and before Ethan knew it, Zoe was almost on top of him again.

"We've got to stop meeting like this," muttered Zoe, who wasn't meeting Ethan's eyes.

"About last night," said Ethan. "Lily has told me everything that happened and I can honestly say I don't remember a thing."

Zoe's gaze jerked up to the level of his mouth, which wasn't entirely reassuring. "And that makes it all better, does it?"

"Well, I'm perfectly willing to pretend it didn't happen," said Ethan.

Zoe glared at him. "Okay. I know I'm twice as old as your normal type. No need to rub it in."

"I don't think you're old at all!" said Ethan gallantly. "You look nothing like as old as you really are."

Zoe's eyes flashed. "Are you trying to insult me?"

Ethan frowned slightly. "I don't think so. I'm just trying to make things easy."

"Yeah, like I'm not easy enough already," mumbled Zoe.

Ethan wondered where he was going wrong. "Zoe. Dr Hanna. I'm trying to make it better. Can we just forget it happened and go back to the way it was before?"

"I thought you already had forgotten," said Zoe.

"Well, yes. I have," said Ethan.

Zoe sighed. "The guys never used to forget about me."

Ethan found he was feeling quite sympathetic. "I'm sure I'd have remembered you if I hadn't been so drunk. I mean, a woman of your experience…" He blushed. "I'm sure it was quite an education. Kind of like _The Graduate_."

Zoe gasped. "I hope you're not saying you think I'm old enough to be your mother."

"Oh, goodness me, no! Not at all!" said Ethan, appalled. "You're nothing like either of my mothers."

"Well, thanks a lot!" said Zoe.

Ethan was confused again. "I'm sorry. I thought that was what you wanted to hear."

"What I wanted to hear is that I'm much _younger_ than your mothers!" said Zoe.

"Oh, yes. Yes, of course," said Ethan. "You're much younger than both of them. Please don't be embarrassed. I'm very flattered that a lady like you would look at me twice, even if you had just got on it like a bonnet."

Zoe's eyes bulged. "On it like a what ?"

"A car bonnet," said Ethan.

Zoe put her hands over her face. "Oh God. Tell me we didn't."

"Didn't what?" said Ethan.

"Get it on on a car bonnet."

Ethan's cheeks were burning. "Oh my goodness! I never thought of it sounding like that. No wonder Cal kept smirking."

"So we didn't?" said Zoe.

"I think we must have done," said Ethan. "I drank enough to pass out and you drank enough to find me attractive, so I think we must have been very on it."

"Hold on," said Zoe. "Are you saying you'd only have slept with me if you were really drunk?"

Ethan shook his head earnestly. "No, I'm saying you'd only have slept with _me_ if _you_ were really drunk."

Zoe took a step away from him. "So, you're saying you do want to sleep with me."

"Oh, no, not at all!" said Ethan. "Of course not!"

He jumped in alarm as Zoe swung her hand towards his face, but she stopped at the last minute and stormed off instead.

Ethan watched her go. He had a horrible feeling he might have said something wrong.


	4. Chapter 4

_This isn't the last chapter - there will be at least one more. Thank you for all your support with this so far._

 **CBloom2** , I think Ethan might agree with you that he's not doing too well with apologising! He's tired and his head hurts and he doesn't quite know what he's saying. It's probably a good thing he's not treating many patients! Thank you for your review.

 **Teeloganroryflan** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you're enjoying this. It's not going well for Ethan at all... perhaps the vomiting limo girls are the least of his worries!

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm glad you think the story is different. While I've never written about hungover Ethan before, I'm sure it's not the first time I've used double entendres! I think Zoe is probably more annoyed with herself than with Ethan. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I didn't think Jez would be able to resist winding Ethan up. I think the others are all annoyed and/or freaked out, but Jez is just having fun! It is a shame Zoe had so few scenes with Ethan - I miss her already!

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. Ethan is trying really hard to make things up to everyone, but everything he says comes out wrong or is completely incomprehensible. I'm sure everything will be okay in the end... but this chapter isn't the end!

 _Thank you to **s1436229**_ _for the follow_.

* * *

Ethan didn't think he was doing very well at this apology business. It looked like he really was becoming 'more Cal'. Cal wasn't very good at apologies either.

When Ethan saw Louise coming towards him, his first instinct was to run away (which just proved he was 'more Cal'), but he decided he'd better get it over with.

"Hey," said Ethan. "I'm sorry I was so rubbish last night."

Louise raised her eyebrows. "What have they been telling you?"

"All kinds of things," admitted Ethan. "All true as far as I can make out, but they made it sound much worse than it is."

"Welcome to the world of heavy drinking," said Louise.

"Anyway, Lily told me what really happened and I think I can take her word for it," said Ethan. "Louise, I'm so sorry for my clumsiness. I'm really not that good with my hands after a few drinks. I'm very happy to replace your clothes if they're damaged beyond repair."

Louise stared. "Did they tell you you tore the clothes from my body and ravished me in the middle of the pub?"

Ethan's stomach lurched. "Oh gosh. Did I really? Lily didn't mention that," said Ethan. "She said I knocked your drink over." His stomach lurched again. "Oh dear. I really don't feel very well."

Louise dragged him into an empty cubicle, sat him down on the bed and gave him a bowl.

"Just so you know, I don't feel sick because I'm thinking about you with no clothes on," said Ethan as he sat hunched over the bowl. Not that I am thinking about you with no clothes on. Not that I think you'd look horrible with no clothes on. I'm just… not thinking about it." Ethan breathed deeply and to his relief, his stomach began to settle. "Thanks. You did a very professional job there, Louise. But I suppose you have a lot of experience of dragging men into cubicles and throwing them into bed."

"Excuse me?" said Louise.

"I just mean you've been around the block a few times," said Ethan. "You've probably got more drunken men into bed than I've had hot dinners."

The next moment, his head was ringing even more than it had been previously.

"Did you just slap me?" said Ethan.

"Well, you obviously seem to think I'm a slapper," said Louise, and stalked out of the cubicle.

Ethan stared after her, holding his hand to his head. He'd really thought that, after his conversation with Lily, everything would be sorted out. But only Jez had taken his apology well and Ethan wasn't quite one hundred percent sure Jez had understood.

Ethan lay on the bed for a few minutes longer, then he left the cubicle. He was beginning to think that perhaps he should go home. He was sure he hadn't called Louise a slapper. He thought he'd complimented her on her nursing abilities. But everything seemed to be coming out wrong today.

"Dr Hardy," said a voice behind him.

"Mrs Beauchamp," said Ethan. "I'm so sorry about the pizza. I don't think I knew what I was doing when I suggested it, but that's no excuse."

"No, it's not," agreed Connie.

"I just really want to make the most of my life," said Ethan. "So I'm trying to be more like Cal. I don't think I'm very good at it yet."

"On the contrary," said Connie. "You're much too good at it. Be yourself, Dr Hardy. It's when you try to be someone else that you waste your life - because you're living Cal's life and not your own. You have the potential to become a first-rate consultant, but if you get drunk every night and show up at work in this sort of state, unwell and improperly attired – you don't _really_ think sunglasses are suitable for work, Ethan? – then you'll be a registrar for the rest of your career and your potential will be wasted. Just think about it… and don't forget the £100. I won't charge extra for the good advice."

Ethan watched her go. _She's right, he thought with a sigh. I suppose I just wanted a pizza the action. But maybe I knead to end these capers, get out of the Calzone and back into the Ethan-zone before I land myself in deep-dish and send my career down the pan-pizza. I'm just a big slice of pepper-phoney. My only crumb of comfort is that it's probably not too late to earn my crust._

* * *

Ethan struggled through his shift, which got worse when eight vomiting girls arrived in a limo and better when Cal bought him an old pair of glasses to wear. Cal offered to take over Ethan's shift and Ethan was tempted, but when Cal said: "That's what I'd do," Ethan had second thoughts. If Connie and Lily both said Ethan shouldn't 'be more Cal', they probably had a point.

"How is your shift going?" asked Lily when they met in the staff room.

"I think it's the worst shift I've ever had," said Ethan. "Apart from the ones where someone got murdered."

"Have you spoken to Mrs Beauchamp, Dr Hanna, Dr Keogh, Louise, and Jez?"

"Yes, I have," said Ethan. "And I think only four of them hate me now, though Jez seems to think there was an incident between us in the loo."

"I can't comment on that," admitted Lily. "But I did see you go in together and emerge some time later, smiling."

Ethan closed his eyes. "I'd better talk to him. I'd better talk to all of them! Except Mrs Beauchamp. She wants me to give her £100, but apart from that, she seems quite happy with me. I suppose I'd better find a cash point at lunch."

"I will find a cash point," said Lily. "You should stay here and rest. But I think you should tell me what went wrong with Dr Hanna, Dr Keogh, Louise and Jez."

Ethan rubbed his aching forehead and told Lily as much as he remembered of the conversation. "So they all seem to hate me."

"The situation with Dr Hanna is very awkward," said Lily. "But I think I understand her behaviour. She is embarrassed and that has made her sensitive. She has no interest in you and wants the reassurance of knowing you don't feel the same way, but at the same time, she feels rejected by your lack of interest."

"Oh dear," said Ethan. "I'm really not sure there's a way around that."

"Louise was offended because the compliments you paid her have unfortunate sexual connotations," said Lily. "While 'been around the block' can suggest that Louise is extremely good at her job (which, I must say, I think she is not), it also means that she has had numerous casual sexual partners. Your comments on her competence in getting you into a cubicle quickly were similarly-interpreted."

"Oh gosh. I didn't think of that," said Ethan unhappily. "I suppose I can see why she slapped me now."

Lily looked severe. "I can understand her desire to slap you, but acting on that desire is assaulting a member of staff and I would recommend that you report her if your turn of phrase hadn't been so unfortunate. With Dr Keogh, I believe the problem is that he doesn't know what your PIMP is. He doesn't know it's an acronym, therefore he took the word in its literal sense and has somehow come to the ridiculous conclusion that you're a male prostitute and you were attempting to recruit him to become a male prostitute also."

"Oh my goodness!" groaned Ethan.

"But I'm sure we can sort this out," said Lily. "Everyone knows you are not usually like this and I'm sure they understand your attempts to appreciate life more. Have a rest for five minutes and then we'll sort it all out."

Ethan lay on the sofa obediently. Lily brought him a cool cloth for his forehead, which helped a bit, and enquired about medication before telling him regretfully that she couldn't have another painkiller just yet. But she did give him a cup of tea and a plain biscuit to help settle his stomach.

Once Ethan had finished his tea, they left the staff room, almost walking into Zoe, who was clearly on her way in. She jumped away when she saw Ethan.

"I'm sorry," mumbled Ethan.

"Dr Hanna," said Lily. "It is not my business, but Ethan feels terrible about last night. He would have been perfectly willing to forget about it if he hadn't already done so. He values you as a colleague and a friend and does not want that to change. I believe it would be harmful for the ED if you allowed this to affect your working relationship."

"You're right," said Zoe, much to Ethan's relief. But then she continued: "It is not your business, Lily!"

Ethan rushed in quickly. "I'm sorry. I wanted to say it myself, but everything I say is coming out wrong today. We were both drunk last night and indulged in behaviour we both know is inadvisable. I really would like to move on. I think you're so beautiful, but I couldn't presume even to begin to think of you as... as anything other than a colleague and a friend. I respect and like you very much. I would be terribly sad if anything ruined that."

"I was so shocked this morning when Dylan told me what I'd done," admitted Zoe.

"I was shocked too," said Ethan. "I don't know why you'd go for someone like me! I'm really nothing special and I'm definitely not your type."

"I could do a lot worse," said Zoe. She laughed. "I have done a lot worse!"

"I've done a lot worse too," said Ethan. "Though when I say 'done', I don't literally mean… anyway, I really hope we can put this to bed and get on with it."

Zoe laughed even more. She patted Ethan's shoulder. "Yes, I really could do a lot worse. Are you okay, Ethan? You look a bit pale."

"I've got a banging headache," admitted Ethan. "But Lily's been seeing to me. Her bedside manner has really improved."

For some reason, this seemed to amuse Zoe too. "Thanks for being so understanding, Ethan. Now, take it easy for the rest of your shift, okay? Lily, whatever you're doing, keep it up."

Lily frowned as she watched Zoe go. "Keep _what_ up?"

"The good work, I assume," said Ethan.

"I hope you're right," said Lily. "Come on, Ethan. Let's go and look for Dr Keogh and Louise."

Ethan didn't know whether he was relieved or disappointed when they found Dylan first. Lily marched up to him and put herself into his path. "Dr Keogh."

"Is there a problem, Dr Chao?"

"Yes," said Lily. "Ethan is not a male prostitute. His PIMP is not a person. It stands for positive internal mind projection. It helps him to deal with situations he finds mentally challenging. He thought it might help you too."

Dylan stared at Lily, then he turned to Ethan. "Help me with what?"

"With your OCD," said Lily.

"I don't have OCD," said Dylan. "Not anymore."

"But it isn't impossible it will return in difficult circumstances," said Ethan. "I just thought if I taught you my PIMP techniques, you will be more prepared if anything did arise. "

"If _what_ arose?" said Dylan.

"You know. A..." Ethan closed his eyes. This hangover really wasn't helping his vocabulary. "A... thingy. I meant to say something about this ages ago. I've been thinking about it for weeks, but it never really came up."

"That's probably just as well," said Dylan drily. "Thank you for your offer, Ethan, and I'm very glad you explained – but I'm perfectly able to manage my own affairs."


	5. Chapter 5

_I'm sorry it's taken me ages to update this but here, finally, is the final chapter. I was going to finish it as the episode did with Ethan getting his glasses back, but I decided to take things in a slightly different direction. After all that suffering, Ethan deserves slightly more than the safe return of his glasses! But I'm sure Ethan will get his glasses back eventually._

 **westlife4ever80** , thank you for your review. You're right - all Ethan's apologies seem to be doing is making everything even worse!

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I bet Ethanreally wishes he's stayed in bed - and not just because he doesn't feel very well. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. Ethan might think this is a sad story, but I don't think so and I'm really glad you're finding it amusing. I'm glad Dylan is being himself. It was quite difficult imagining how he'd react to being recruited as a rent boy!

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. I really loved that Cal spent his day off searching for Ethan's glasses and then brought them in for him. It was adorable! If Lily is interested in Ethan, I don't blame her at all.

 **Teeloganroryflan** , thank you for your review - I'm really glad you enjoyed the chapter. I hope you'll like this one too.

 **HarryPotterHolbyAndHorses** , it sounds a bit wrong to say I'm glad you're dying, but I hope you know what I mean! Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , I did get your pun and I loved it! I wish I'd thought of it. I don't quite like to think of what might have happened to Ethan if Lily hadn't been there! Thank you for your review.

* * *

"Now we will go and find Louise," said Lily.

Ethan failed to feel enthusiastic. "I don't think I really want Louise to hit me again."

"I will protect you," said Lily firmly.

If Ethan hadn't known better, he might have thought Lily was enjoying herself. "Thank you," he said. "I think I might need protection."

Lily stepped closer to Ethan and smiled slightly as she looked into his eyes. "Yes. I think you might."

Ethan was experiencing all sorts of strange sensations. His heartbeat had sped up and he felt quite a bit warmer than he had a few seconds ago and his skin felt sort of prickly, in a really nice way. He was also getting a strange sort of urge to hug Lily.

Hangovers really were strange.

Some of the feelings dissipated when Lily's eyes snapped away from his. "Louise!"

Louise came to join them. "Yes?" she said insolently.

"I believe you and Dr Hardy had a misunderstanding earlier," said Lily. "When he said you'd 'been around the block' he meant that you know your job well and therefore it's very difficult to deceive you."

"Oh. Well, that wasn't what it sounded like," said Louise. "Ethan shouldn't use phrases like that if he doesn't know what they mean."

"I actually didn't use it incorrectly," said Ethan. "The phrase has two possible interpretations."

Louise gave him her best sneer. "And what about when you told me I'd got more drunken men into bed than I'd had hot dinners? Are there two possible interpretations of that too?"

"I understand you'd just helped Ethan into a cubicle and made him sit on the bed," said Lily. "That was what he meant by getting him into bed and I'm sure you have done that on many occasions."

Louise looked disparagingly at Ethan. "Next time, say what you mean, okay?" She walked off.

"Thank you, Lily," said Ethan. "That was very impressively-done."

"Perhaps I'm a very impressive person," said Lily.

"Yes. I think you are," said Ethan.

Lily took his hand. "Now we will go and see-" She stopped, looked down at their joined hands and hurriedly pulled hers away. "Now we will go and see Jez."

* * *

"And what can I do for you, beautiful?" said Jez.

"You can listen to me," said Lily.

Jez winked at Ethan. "I wasn't talking to her, was I, gorgeous?"

Ethan stared at him. "But… but surely you weren't talking to me."

"Who else?" said Jez. He moved closer to Ethan, swinging his hips from side to side.

"Jez, I think you have the wrong idea about Ethan," said Lily. "I believe there were two reasons why he allowed you to carry him around the pub. One: because he was grateful you'd lifted him down from the table. Two: because he drunkd."

Jez pouted. "What's she talking about, Ethan? Tell her we're made for each other."

"Well, I… I really don't think …" began Ethan.

"What he's trying to say, Lily," said Jez, as he put his arm around Ethan's shoulders, "is that he really doesn't think you understand how important I am to him. That's what you were saying, wasn't it, sexy pants?"

Ethan could only gape at him.

"I wouldn't go around with your mouth hanging open like that, Ethan," said Jez. "You never know what might end up inside it."

Ethan blushed a fiery red and edged closer to Lily. "Jez, what exactly happened in the loo last night?"

Jez bumped his hips against Ethan and said: "Oh, wouldn't you like to know!"

"Actually, I'm not at all sure I do want to know," said Ethan, "but I think it's probably quite important that you tell me."

Jez's hand slid slowly down Ethan's back, getting lower and lower. "And now you're giving me mixed messages, you big tease. But you're not fooling me. I know you're true feelings. I saw everything last night!"

"Everything?" squeaked Ethan.

"I am sure he is referring only to emotions," said Lily.

"Okay, maybe I didn't quite see you naked," said Jez. "But you went to the loo, Ethan, and you didn't use a cubicle. Obviously I saw something. How could I not?"

"By minding your own business and not looking?" suggested Lily icily.

"Oh, come on, Lily!" said Jez. "You're not seriously saying that if you were standing at the urinal next to Ethan's, you wouldn't take the smallest peek?"

"I have no reason to stand at a urinal," said Lily, "but I would not look. No."

Jez shrugged. "Well, what else would I expect from the ice princess?"

"If I am a princess," said Lily, "then you should bow every time you speak to me."

Jez laughed and bowed. "There you are, Princess Lily." He bowed to Ethan too. "And there you are, Prince Ethan. Oh, I like doing that. I get some lovely close-up views of you-know-where."

Ethan gasped and hid behind Lily.

Lily looked at Jez for a moment and moved closer to him. "Oh, Jez. You have such charm. I believe I have completely changed my mind about you." She stood beside Ethan, putting her hands on his shoulders. "I think you are perfect for Ethan. So I think you should kiss him right now."

"What are you doing ?" said Ethan in horror.

"I have realised the extent of Jez's feelings," said Lily. "And now, I would like to see him kiss you."

Jez moved awkwardly from one foot to the other. "I never knew you were a voyeur, Lily."

"Neither did I," said Lily. She looked almost happy. "Go on then, Jez. Kiss Ethan."

"Lily-" said Ethan urgently.

Lily smiled at him. "Trust me, Ethan. I know you will enjoy this."

"No," whispered Ethan.

"Come on, Jez!" said Lily. "Are you going to kiss your 'beautiful, gorgeous sexy-pants' or not?" She pushed Ethan closer to Jez.

"I… um… was that my radio?" said Jez.

"No, it was not," said Lily.

"Then it must be Iain calling me."

"No," said Lily. "Jez. I will give you two choices. Either you will kiss Ethan now or you will admit to him you're playing a stupid joke and nothing happened between you apart from carrying Ethan around the pub."

Jez was slowly backing away. "I wouldn't go quite that far."

"Then kiss Ethan," said Lily, propelling a terrified Ethan forward.

"Lily, I would never force myself on any man-"

"You're not," said Lily. "I'm forcing him on you."

Jez's back hit the wall. "Lily…"

"Say it, Jez," said Lily. "Say it… or kiss him." She grabbed the back of Ethan's head and pushed it close to Jez's face… but not that close.

"Okay! Okay!" said Jez. "It was a joke, Ethan. You were drunk. Me and Iain thought it would be a laugh to pretend a lot more had happened than it actually had. Nothing happened apart from the carrying and I didn't have a peek in the loo. You're a nice guy and everything, but I prefer bad boys – and you're not one, no matter how much you were trying to pretend to be one last night."

Ethan thought he might have collapsed with relief if Lily hadn't been holding on to him. This made him even more glad she was there. The last thing he wanted was to collapse on top of Jez.

"Thank you, Jez," said Lily. "Now grow up and leave Ethan alone."

They heard laughter from the doorway, followed by a slow handclap. "Good job, Lily!" said Iain. "You found us out. I never knew you had it in you."

"Had what in me?" said Lily cautiously.

Ethan spoke softly. "Lily? Shall we quit while we're ahead? I think we should be getting back to work anyway."

"What do you think they're whispering about?" said Jez.

"Nothing!" said Lily.

"Whispering sweet nothings, eh?" said Iain.

Lily held her head high. "Ethan, I believe it is time to retreat with dignity."

"That's exactly what I was going to say," said Ethan.

* * *

Ethan couldn't believe it was over

Finally. It was time to go home.

Lily appeared beside him. "You survived, Ethan. Well done. Now you can go home, have dinner, take painkillers and go to bed."

"That sounds lovely," said Ethan. "Especially the going to bed part." He looked quickly at Lily. "I mean…"

"I know what you mean," said Lily. "But first, you must see Mrs Beauchamp."

Lily walked him to the office.

"Dr Hardy," said Connie. "You made it."

"O-of course," said Ethan. "You asked me to report to you and… well…"

"I thought you'd either be sent home long before this," said Connie. "You did well."

Ethan held out the roll of notes. "Here you are. £100."

Connie made no move to take it. "Dr Hardy. Do you honestly think that if a pizza delivery boy arrived at my house with a pizza I did not order, he would actually manage to persuade me to pay?"

Ethan blinked at her. "But… you said…"

"Let that be a lesson to you, Dr Hardy," said Connie. "Be careful how much you drink." She smiled. "I knew it wasn't you anyway. I also managed to convince the delivery boy to give me the number of the person responsible for making the prank call. He shouldn't have done it really, of course, but I really think he was quite frightened of me."

"I can imag… I mean, I can't imagine that," said Ethan gallantly.

"Then you really don't know me very well, do you?" said Connie. "I didn't recognise the number myself, but Jacob told me belonged to Jez Andrews, one of our paramedics. I will be paying him a little visit later."

"So the pizza didn't go to the homeless shelter?" said Ethan.

"Of course it did!" said Connie impatiently. "They could hardly have sold it, could they?"

"And the damage I caused?"

"There was no damage."Connie smiled. "Now, off you go, Dr Hardy. Try to drink responsibly and I'll see you tomorrow."

* * *

"What do you want to do now?" asked Lily.

Ethan immediately thought of several inappropriate possibilities.

Nothing more inappropriate than kissing Lily, but still.

"Would you like to go to the pub and get drunk again?" said Lily. "Or go to the pub and drink lemonade and actually remember everything tomorrow? Or would you like to go home and perhaps let me cook for you?"

Ethan was still staring at her in amazement when Noel walked past.

"Ethan, you going to the pub?"

"No, um, I think I've had a better offer," said Ethan.

He smiled at Lily and they left the ED.


End file.
